Excuse me today while I’m over here getting all sentimental about my big girl turning 6.
Cliche as it sounds, six seems really big to me. Over the past several weeks she has started to act more like a big girl than ever before… the things she says, the mannerisms she uses, and that’s without even talking about the fact that she is growing like a weed right now.
I’ve never really written our her birth story, honestly, I was just never able. I started several times, I tried to finish it many, many times… but the real raw reason is that her birth, well, it was traumatic for me and I lived with buried & unspoken fear, regret and lots of emotions surrounding that for years.
This birthday though, it feels different. I worked really hard this past year to release all that, to let it go and to really understand the way things worked out.
I don’t say this to detract from her birthday in any way, shape or form, but merely to acknowledge that giving birth can sometimes come with trauma for people involved, especially the mother. Oftentimes, it’s brushed under the rug, it’s unspoken, it’s misunderstood or even sometimes, misdiagnosed.
I didn’t have depression, I didn’t have the baby blues… that means I was “okay”, right? Well no… I had trauma surrounding her birth, trauma that I had to live with and had no idea what it was. I had no real way of dealing with it or even knowing what it was.
Birthing a baby is empowering, it’s inspiring, it’s powerful, it’s magical, and friends, it’s an everyday miracle that is often overlooked… but it’s also scary and terrifying, it often presents you with situations you never realized you would have to deal with, and for the first time in your whole life, you might realize that it’s not just your life on the line, but this other amazing soul that you have created, and something stirs inside of you, and you realize that you have to fight with every piece of your being to protect her now, for the rest of your life.
There is no perfect birth story, my friends… every single one is as unique as the life it is relating to. Just know, that if you too feel like there are unspoken fears and emotions surrounding your labor and the birth of your child, it’s okay. It doesn’t mean you are anything less. Find a friend, reach out, speak those fears and release them.
If you ever need me, I’ll be over here, huffing all the oils, looking at my girl and her birth photos, with thanks and praise that we both made it through that day and the “goodbyes” I had spoken to my parents and my husband in a moment of panic and fear, and unknowing what would happen next were premature and that here I sit, with the honor to celebrate this day!
Please reach out, I will always be here for you
That trauma… turns out it taught me so much about life… it was just part of my journey.